Here are the notes of the consultation I had with Megan on May 22 and the group meeting we had that same day.
DUSYA
1. For Duchis the biggest change we are implementing is that the Sonrise Playroom is not anymore a 99% YES room. She has come SO far that not it is time to start showing that friends have their own opinion and that we can be friendly and easy-going but also we can show her how friends can have their own ideas. We are teaching her FRIENDSHIP SKILLLS now: think that you are all 5.5 year old to show Duchis how her friends her age will play with her. Here are more specifics about how to teach her friendship skills:
- The trick is to be friendly, easygoing, and to playfully tease her. We don't want it to be a struggle for her, or to be bosy or to provoke her purposely.
- When playing with her, you can show her that her friends will not always want to play Duchis' way by saying things like: "Duch, I don't want to play this way; I want to do it his way" or "I have an idea, let's do it my way this time. I will show you."
- If she says "NO NO NO NO", don't say "YES YES YES YES" because she does not like that at all, and that would be provoking her. If she tells you "NO NO ..." , you could say "why not?" or say "really?" or say "come on". The most important thing is the tone and the attitude. Be playful, be silly, be friendly. We want to be natural and fluid, like a friend, not like a teacher who is trying to teach her something.
2. With Duchis, we are also showing her more to share her toys and games with us. So, if you are playing dress up and she does not want you to touch the clothes, in the past, we would have done whatever she wanted. Now, we can tell her, that it is fun to share and that the game gets even better when you two share it together. Of course, if there are some toys that you know that she ADORES, don't mess up with those, yet, because that would be provoking her. Respect her wishes for toys she really likes, but for other things show her it is fun to share and that you also have ideas of how to play with them.
3. About the tent, we are taking the blanket or towels from the tent. If she says she wants a blanket, tell her the truth: "Duch, it is so much better without a blanket, because you can see me and I can see you. It is more fun if we can see each other."
4. If Duch is talking things from Liam's or Tony's room that you think Liam and Tony really want, just tell Duch: "This is Liam's" or "This is Tony's". That will also be a good lesson for her.
5. Megan said that the fact that Duchis' playroom will not be a 99% YES-room anymore to become more of a 60% YES room will be a challenge for Duchis at the start and she may cry a lot. It was great for her that she was the boss of the room because that helped us to gain her trust. Now it will be different and she will be shocked at the beginning. So, be loving, be patient, and she will learn day after day how friends work and to be more flexible and open. Be calm if she cries and do NOT react to her crying by doing what she wants or she will start crying more. She needs to see that cries does not work.
6. We talked about being CONSISTENT with Duch in multiple areas:
a. Invite her to clean up so that she helps you clean up. Don't let the room be full of things. Tell her that to get the next toy, she needs to clean up first.
b. She is almost out of the "I am done screaming" cycle. Don't get into that exchange. If she starts with "Are you done ...?" cycle, you just smile, show her THUMBS UP, and move on.
c. No blankets on the tent because she is hiding there.
d. When she says "no no no no", don't say "yes yes yes yes". Say other things like "why not?" or "really?" or something like that. Be playful.
e. Work on her workbooks every day a few pages. Get her to do it; she can do it.
f. Don't give her a pencil/crayon in the right or left hands. Just put it on the table in the middle and see what hand she uses to pick it up. We are not sure if she uses more the right or the left. Yulene is still trying to figure out.
g. Keep working on the experiments and art projects. We need to challenge her with new things all the time.
LIAM
1. We talked about not leaving Liam's cards and books on the floor when you leave your session because the next person is stuck with all that on the floor. Try to clean up with Liam and if he does not want, come downstairs to write in the notebook and let him have a break and then quickly go upstairs and put up his cards and stuff so that the next person can have a clean start of her session.
2. When you see Liam tip-toeing feel free to remind him, "Liam, walk on your flat feet". He is getting better, but he still tip-toes, so remind him.
3. Liam is talking so much, it is VERY exciting to see the progress in this area. He has ALL the words and sentences inside, it is a matter of him just saying them. This is what we agreed to do if he was talking very softly and we could not hear or if we were not sure what he was saying:
- Say "I am sorry, I didn't quite understand" and then WAIT
- Whisper back to him so that he can see how it sounds when you speak softly
- If it is a sentence/word you don't understand, repeat it back to him and say: "It sounds like you are saying ......, but I couldn't understand"
- Use non-verbal cues: Put your hand around your ear, like saying "what?"
4. We are working on open-ended questions. Ask a question and WAIT.
5. We are responding literally to his requests. If he says "book" that is not clear enough. Be friendly and helpful and tell him: "I love to read books" then WAIT to see how he looks for a way to be clearer.
6. We are working on multiple-choice questions. He tends to repeat the second option, like if you say "do you want the elephant or the mouse?" he tends to say "mouse." Megan said we should not say the words of the options, but just show them to him and say "which one do you want first?" If he says "elephant and mouse" you can say "Oh, you want BOTH the elephant AND the mouse" and give him both, or you can say "Liam, let's pick one".
7. We are working on YES/NO questions. Ask a question and WAIT. If he does not respond shake your head, not your head, point ot the signs and he will realize what to do.
8. If you see him on the grass pulling grass, feel free to join him for 10 minutes or so and try to make a game out of it, just to break his routine a little. In teh playroom, play with feathers or bubbles, which have the same visual effect thant the grass in teh air.
9. Watch Yulene's videos again and take notes so that it is easy for you to keep doing the exercises. The ones for tapping are the squeezing exercises and the ones with the toes and feet. He is tapping a bit less now.
POTTY
1. With all kids, we said we want them to be more and more independent and more private. Motivate them to go by themselves, to flush, to wipe, to put their clothes back up, and to wash and dry their hands. Also, they can turn the light of. We can also show them to close the door, especially with Duch, who has a door right there; the door thing is not necessary right now with Liam.
Thanks everybody for coming to the meeting!
