Ideas from Megan for the next two weeks - March 9, 2012

FOR DUCH

I talked with Megan and these are the things she recommends us to do in the next two weeks, when we will have our group meeting.

1) I told her we were having some issues with Tony leaving the room, or just coming to peak and then leaving, or him going to play by himself in the corner. She said we should explain to Tony that his schedule time to play is an hour. Tony does not get to peak and leave. If he enters the room, he needs to stay for his hour. After the hour he can leave or, if he is having fun, he can stay. But the minimum is an hour if he decides to enter the room. After the hour, if he wants to leave, he can say to Duchis: "Thank you for playing, I had great time" (or something like that) and he can leave. Once he leaves, we need to make a big deal to Duchis that "IT IS GIRL TIME! BRAVO!" so that she does not feel that she is stuck in the room and Tony gets to leave and do whatever he wants. Show her that it is great that Tony played, but that it is also great to have GIRL TIME. Make girl time special.

2) About those moments when Tony goes to play by himself, Megan wants us to look for the PRECURSOR for these moments. What happens right before he leaves to the corner? Is it about Duchis not wanting to play what he wants to play? Is it about playing girl stuff? Is it about a specific type of game that he does not like? Check for patters, try to discover the type of situation when he leaves. Also, Megan said we need to do different things when Tony OR Duch leave our game. If Tony leaves, you can be directive and tell him "Get over here!" "You can do that later, come play with us!" You can even pull his legs back to the game in a playful game. With Duch, we need her to come spontaneously, so we cannot be so directive. With her is more about being super fun when playing with Tony so that she comes voluntarily. So, feel free to be directive with Tony when he goes away and tell him he can always play by himself later, but that this is special time to play together.

3) I told Megan about those situations when Tony takes something away from Duchis and she leaves, or situations when he comes to join her play and she leaves, or situations when Duchis takes things away from Liam or Tony. I mentioned that in all these transactions usually nobody says anything to anybody, all are silent transactions. Here are the recommendations:

- If Tony comes to sit with Duch (without taking something away) and Duch leaves, then we can tell Duch "Duch, you don't have to walk away. You can stay. Tony wants to play together. It is fun, come back." The idea here is to tell Duch that Tony is not wanting to take anything away from her, but that he is just joining her in the play in order to play together.

- If Tony comes and takes something away from Duchis' hands (or Liam's), we can tell Tony: "Hold on, you cannot take things from people's hands. You can ask her if you want to see that and wait to see what she says" Then, tell Tony to think about his classmates in school, how he does not like if his friends come and take things from his hands. Or, what would happen if somebody would come and take his books or legos from his hands. In this case, you could tell Duch to tell Tony: "Hey, wait a second! I was looking at that" or "hey, I want that back". Same thing is Duch or Tony take something away from Liam. Explain to Duch/Tony how to ask Liam to show something and explain to Liam how he can protest and tell them he wants it back.

- If Liam is the one taking things away from Tony or Duch, the situation is different. We want Liam to be more assertive. So, if Liam takes things away, explain to the other kid that Liam just wants to see it for a little bit. Again, if somebody takes something away from Liam, help Liam to tell that person "I want the book back", etc, etc.

4) I told Megan of all the situations in which Duchis wants to do whatever she wants and I end up telling her "NO" so many times a day (like putting the water super hot in the bath tub, or rolling all the paper towels, or putting paper in her mouth, etc). Megan says that it is Ok to tell her all these "NO"s because we are outside of the playroom and she needs to understand boundaries. In the playroom, Megan says that Duchis definitely needs to learn that we cannot leave the room to get her brown ham, or cookies, or toys. She says that a great skill that kids need to learn is "it is fun to wait for what I want". So, we can always tell her that she will have brown ham for lunch for dinner once she asks mommy/daddy if she can have some, but that during our play sessions there is no running downstairs for brown ham or cookies.

5) We talked about those situations when Duchis wants control and does not want to play our games. Megan said we can literally sit with our back to her and play by ourselves in a super fun way (not loud necessarily, but fun). Duchis is so curious that many times she will come and see what we are doing. But putting our back to her send the message that "I am taking all pressure off you. I will play by myself ad I will not insist anymore in you playing with me until you come by yourself." You can sit in a way that you could see her through the mirror, or sit a bit on the side, but Megan said that sitting with the back to her is good, too, in these cases.

FOR LIAM

Most of my conversation with Megan was a about Duchis this time, but I do have tips for Liam for the next two weeks:

1) Megan was excited to hear that Liam was playing more and more games, was talking more, and was not spending so much time reading books :) She recommended that we keep trying all the games that have not worked in the past and all the games we have played with Duch, too. Use more puppets, more stuff animals in your games, the ways we have done it with Duch. He loves videos of animals; use his plastic animals and plastic dinosaurs for stories. He is really into numbers, use all we have to create games related to numbers. He is into the solar system; use the plastic rocket to have adventures. His birthday is in 5 months, let's see if this year he gets into birtdays! :) Play more birthday themes :) Bring the dress up from Duchis' closet and combine dress up with puppets and pillow pets. Really, think of all games you have played with Duch and tried with Liam in the past, and tried them again. He is liking them this time! Also, we still have a few Little People sets: farm, ABC zoo, airport, and fire trucks. Check those out, too. Let me know if you need help finding them. Some of them are in the garage.

2) Cara, his former OT at NTS sent me this two ideas after she read the blog:

***"On the emotions thing for Liam, DLTK.com has several coloring sheets with blank faces. I've printed those at work and laminated them to let the kids draw appropriate emotions. You can also cut out eyes to make them like masks.
***I play a motor planning and attention game called the "star game" to work on multi step directions. I put a bunch of colored rubber stars on the ground in a big circle and give sets of two step motor commands ("run to the blue star" or "hop to blue and crab walk to green." The kids really enjoy it. When they understand the game I start taking turns with them giving and receiving directions. Some of my kiddos need large pics of the various animal walks to help formulate the directions. I have used any variety of place markers instead of stars (letters, numbers, pictures of family), you could also use emotion faces to work that in too."

This second idea sounds like Hallooballoo (not sure how to write it) but without the electronics. You could use those color circles that come in that exercise box, or the laminated vehicles, or the laminated instruments, or the animal pawprints, or our pictures, etc, etc.

3) Speaking about commands, Jenny (his NTS speech therapist) sent me a list of command she is giving him. He is NOT really following many of them, so try these out:

- Pick up the car and put it in the box
- Pick up the book and put it on top of the box
- Pick up the lam and put it under the box
- Pick up the book and put it under the box
- Pick up the crayons and put them under the box
- Pick up the crayons and put them on top of the box
- Pick up the duck and put it in the box
- Pick up the rattle and put it on top of the box
- Pick up the duck and put it under the box
- Pick up the car and put it on top of the chair Think of games where he would be motivated to practice these types of commands.

4) Jenny is also asking Liam "what" questions, like "what are you eating?" "what do you have there?" while playing and he is not really answering many of them, so incorporate these questions in your plan WHEN HE IS MOTIVATED by the game because then he will be more likely to answer. He is answeringJenny's yes/no questions and her multiple choice questions, which is great!

Finally, here is a picture of Liam on his bed with the space blankes. I am fascinated by the fact that I can now take pictures of Liam!!!! WOW! This is the same boy who hated pictures becuase of his sensitivity to light!!! And, today we went to the Natural Science Museum and the Planetarium (since it was pooring in the Zoo) and Liam had a great time!!!! It was his first time in thePlanetarium!!! He even told me "give me space" when I was trying to show him some energy exhibits :)

More firsts for Liam!

Liam is doing amazingly! He is very open to more games and new things. Today Jordan tried face painting!!!! And this is how they looked at the end of the session! Notice the solar system on her face! And, I was taking pictures of him before that and he was poising!!!! This is the boy who hated cameras! These are the best pictures ever!

Living in the present

I had a dinner yesterday with my friends who are also SonRise moms. One of them was telling me how because we work hard at our SonRise programs, we may have a sense of "entitlement" that because we work hard, we are entitled to the kids getting better and recovering, and sometimes we don't understand why it may not be happening as fast as we want. She said the most helpful belief is to remember that we can choose to work hard, but the kid gets to decide when he or she wants to open up and grow and recover. It is on his or her terms, at his or her pace. I know this, but sometimes I forget it, so it was nice to hear her saying it again. We just have power over our attitude. The more we want to control the process, the more we delay it; the more we live the present knowing every kid has his/her own pace, the more we accelerate the process.

With that in mind, I LOVED these pictures I got to take today! They are amazing! Enjoy!

Group meeting - February 2012

Here are our goals for this month! Have fun with the kids!

DUCHIS’ GOALS FOR FEBRUARY

This month we are going full steam to help Duchis with her ATTITUDE

Goal #1 (flexibility): Help Duchis to see she can still be happy and enjoy herself even if she does not get what she wants

This last month Duchis has made herself upset when she does not get her way or the things she wants. At this point in her development, we want to share the control in the playroom; she is not 100% in control anymore. The more she gets used to sharing the control INSIDE the playroom, the more she will share it OUTSIDE of the playroom (in the house or outside of the house). She is at a new level and it’s important to show her that others have fun ideas, wants and desires and that that is ok. Our attitude will be:

“Hey, I am your friend; I want to show you how to do this in a different way”

• Don’t leave the room when she asks for things outside the room. She needs to see she can have fun with the things in the room.
• If she screams, remain calm and comfortable. Remind yourself that we are not trying to make her life difficult. We are showing her a very important skill to be able to have friends at school. If she cries and screams, tell her: “you can cry, go for it. When you are done, we can talk”, and then continue playing by yourself until she calms herself down.
• At times, her quick response is no. Honor her no by stopping one aspect of what you wanted to do…you can still do something else.
• Be persistent with this as you continue on with your play.
• Tell her, “OK. You don’t have to play. But, I’m going to play over here because I think it’s going to be fun.”
• Remove your energy from her and play in an excited way but not obnoxious way. Be aware of her and note that she really continues to watch, show an interest, and come over to play!!!

Goal #2 (interactive attention span): Show Duchis how fun it is to be kind and sweet to others

At this point, it is time to tech Duchis MANNERS  She usually requests things with a bit of a DIVA attitude. Our position will be:

“Hey, you can say things nicer, because I am your friend, and I don’t have to ____”

• As part of your pretend play, create scenarios with the Barbies, the stuffed animals, the puppets, etc, in which people are SWEET when asking things, and people respond so well and so quickly and in such a helpful way when you ask things in a sweet way. Model situations when the toys say: “Oh, that was so sweet” or “Hmmm, that was not sweet”.
• Help her to see the difference in the consequences when we are sweet or not sweet to our friends.
• Help her to practice the affect associated with being sweet. When I ask her for the magic words when asking something. She says “PLEASE” with an attitude  Show her how nice is to say “please” “thank you” “sorry” excuse me” “your welcome”.

Goal #3 (communication): Inspire Duchis to share emotions and experiences

• Model this through imagination play with characters. Share emotions and experiences such as “I love, this is fun, how exciting, playing is awesome. This is amazing. You should be so proud …”
• In your games, keep telling her how the characters feel: “I am tired / sleepy / bored / excited / curious / sick / happy / …”
• Have conversations with the toys about “how do you feel?” while you are playing

Goal #4 (communication): Motivate Duchis to follow 1-2-3-4- step directives while playing

To solidify Duchis’ expressive language, we need to make sure that her receptive language is strong and that she can comprehend and remember complex instructions. This will also be very helpful in school.

• Make Duchis work  Tell her: “look under the table and get me that Barbie” or “go to the bed, get your pillow, and put it in the tent” or “go to the closet, find the cowboy hat and the horse, and put them in the castle” etc, etc
• Create sequences of activities and don’t repeat her all the steps constantly, but check how much she is remembering. For example, in the little Gym, she gets 4-step instructions of 4 exercises she needs to do in a row in her stations. They only repeat the instructions at the beginning and she needs to remember the 4 things and do them over and over again in the station (like first bear walk, then a forward roll, then a cartwheel, and finally a bridge).

LIAM’S GOALS FOR FEBRUARY

Goal #1 (communication): Help Liam to consistently use his fuller sentences.

Look at all the things Liam is saying SPONTANEOUSLY! This list shows that he has a nice repertoire of sentences to get his basic needs and desires met, and that we should never assume that he will not say something, but, in contrast, assume that he has all the words in the world and can put sentences together by himself.

• Wait expectantly for a response. Wait at least 10 seconds (1-Missisipi, 2-Missisipi …) before using non-verbal prompts to ask Liam again so that he has enough time to process the information or motor plan a response.

LIAM’S SPONTANEOUS SENTENCES (FEB 2012)

1. I want … (books, cereal, cards, toys and food in general)
2. Give me …. (books, cereal, cards, toys and food in general)
3. Let’s fly
4. Let’s spin like a top
5. Let’s be a …
6. Let’s blast off
7. Open the door
8. Come here
9. Go there ( when he wants us to leave and let him do what he wants to do)
10. Walk upstairs / downstairs
11. Jump on the trampoline
12. Let’s bounce on the ball
13. Sit down
14. Pick me up
15. Lay down
16. I love …. (tickles, hugs, kisses)
17. I love you
18. I like …. (tickles, hugs, kisses)
19. Kiss me
20. Open the mouth
21. Show me … (we used this for games with silly faces and sounds)
22. Let’s go to the backyard
23. Let’s watch …. (“name of a video”)
24. Let’s play computer
25. Let’s go potty 26. It’s snack time
27. It’s bed time
28. I need help / Help me
29. Turn light on / off
30. Turn shower on /off
31. Ready for a towel
32. Take … (pants, jacket, socks …. ) off
33. Put … (pants, jacket, socks… ) on
34. Scratch my back
35. Draw a … (he tells us what to draw on the board)
36. Fix it
37. Find ….
38. Where’s ….?
39. Erase it (drawing games)
40. Write the word …
41. Read it (books)
42. Say the word (books)
43. May I be excused?
44. See you later / bye bye

Comments and feelings
45. I am sad / grumpy
46. I am tired
47. I am sick
48. It’s raining
49. It’s cold
50. I want calm
51. Liam happy

Goal #2 (communication): Inspire Liam to share emotions and comments

• Model this through pretend play. Share emotions and experiences such as “I love, this is fun, how exciting, playing is awesome. This is amazing. You should be so proud …”
• Talk about the weather each day, like teachers do in Kindergarten. Have a calendar poster and talk about the day of the week, if it’s valentine’s day, etc. Use the calendar to comment about days/weeks/weather/what to wear, etc.
• In your games, keep telling him how you and the characters feel: “I am tired / sleepy / bored / excited / curious / sick / happy / …”
• Have conversations with the toys about “how do you feel?” while you are playing
• Model lots of talking about feelings. Liam does have some feeling cards we have used in the past. Megan told me to check at Walmart for a poster with lots of faces with expressions.
• Keep using non-verbals (shoulders, yes/no with the face, fingers, hands, faces) so that it is not only about words but he reading all the non verbals

Goal #3 (interactive attention span): Inspire Liam to imitate us while playing

• When Liam is motivated in the games, ask him to imitate your sounds, your expressions, your faces, how you move the toys, how you act (it’s cold, brrrrrrr), etc.
• Practice strong voice, loud voice, soft voice to help him to get more control over his voice

Goal #4 (communication): Help Liam to make choices and answer multiple choice questions

During play, give Liam multiple choices. Sometimes you can mention the items, like “do you want a truck or a bus?” and sometimes just say “which one do you want?” and show the options to you?

• If you tell him “do you want the truck or the bus?” and he says “truck or bus”, you can tell him: “you need to choose, which one?” and she what he says.
• Pus his preferred item first when naming the choices. Put the item you know he does not care too much about at the end.
• Show him also that he can say: “BOTH of them” 

Goal #5 (communication): Motivate Liam to follow 1-2-3- step directives while playing

To solidify Liam’s expressive language, we need to make sure that his receptive language is strong and that she can comprehend and remember complex instructions.

• Make Liam work  Tell him: “look under the table and get me that car” or “go to the bed, get your pillow, and put it in the tent” or “go to the closet, find the school bus, and put it on the track” etc, etc
• From Vanessa: “To provide the appropriate amount of support, first give the direction without any cues. If needed, you may add visuals/gestures. If Liam is still have some difficulty, you may want to add a physical prompt such as leading him to the napkins. Over the next month, let’s explore and keep in touch regarding what types of directions Liam is have more success or more difficulty with.”

*** From Vanessa: Count “circles” of interaction. A circle is when you do something and Liam does something (a back-and-forth). Liam can close circles in a number of ways: looking back at you in a fun way after you’ve done something, using a gesture, sharing a delightful smile, making a choice, or of course, use words and sentences. The goal is to get to 10 circles in a row.

I was super excited to see the last issue of Harvard Business Review  (Jan 2012) -- the most popular publication for MBA students, and practicing managers -- and to see the cover page: "The value of happiness - How employee well-being drives profits." It has several articles about the value of positivity and happiness in organizations. It's exciting to see business people talking about happiness! I am thinking of writing about that myself. Imagine that, blending my personal passion with my research :)  

Duchis, the Gymnast

Duchis is doing better and better at the Little Gym. In her last session, I barely had to assist her or direct her. She is much more comfortable following the requests of her teachers and being assisted by them, like the other chidlren. I learned the Little Gym also has dance classes, so I will check them out. I am thinking that could open new opportunities for her. Still wondering why all my pictures are in landscape mode!!! .... Still, enjoy the picture!

Great start of the year

We started the year with an incredible outreach with Megan Simpson and a great group meeting. These were my favorite quotes from Megan:
"Dusya is at the verge of blossoming/bursting"
"Liam is outsmarting all of you"
"Tony is completely different"
"This is the best team the kids have had. They are phenomenal!"

Thank you ladies! This will be another great year! Enjoy the pictures!