Hi team,
Here are more videos I sent to Gerd and you can read his feedback below. This time I tried something harder. I wanted to try two scenarios of introducing a game to the kids. With Liam, I had a plan in mind and I tried very hard to invite Liam to play with me. With Dusya, I did the opposite, I decided to not have a plan and see how the session would go improvising. You will see from Gerd's feedback that the most effective way is in the middle:
we need to go to the playroom prepared with a game and a goal, but be ready to let go if the kid is not interested, and wait for the best moment to re-introduce it. Here are the videos:
Liam:
http://vimeo.com/10550166
Dusya:
http://vimeo.com/10550531
Here is the feedback:
FOR LIAM
1) About the piano game:
Gerd said that the most important thing when introducing a new game is the TIMING. He thought it was great that I tried to play with the piano, but that it looked like I was pulling Liam even though his interest was somewhere else (it was in trucks). He told me to “Let go and wait for a significant green light.”
Also, Gerd made a good comment that “piano and cars do not go very well together.” He thought the two themes were too far away from each other, and mentioned that to introduce the piano, I could, for example, wait until Liam sings a song. Singing is something that is more related to pianos. We need to better match better Liam’s interest with our game. There is a better chance to go for something new if we expand on his interest of the moment.
About letting go and joining Liam in his interest, Gerd told me that an important principle from SonRise is: “Do not sacrifice a short term result for a long term gain.” This means even if I get a tiny little attention to the piano (short term), by joining him in the trucks he was playing with, I can build a relationship that can get me more results in the long term.
Also, if Liam feels I am pushing him to play the piano, the message I sent his is, “Liam, I really want you to play with this piano; my game is better than your trucks." Liam needs to know we think his interests are really great.
Gerd said that it was good that I moved to joining and started playing with trucks. He saw I got more eye contact, more talking, and more attention on me, after I joined. Gerd mentioned I worked within Liam’s interests, the trucks, and I could have gone into car crashing, car racing, or ramps. He thought I had a chance to go into a throwing game with him with the stuff he was putting on the trucks. That would have been building on Liam’s “isms.”
In conclusion, Gerd told me my try was good, but the timing was not perfect. The interest needs to be in the theme of music for me to introduce the piano.
2) About electronic toys:
Gerd noticed that Liam found an electronic toy on the floor and looked really into it. Gerd told me to hide electronic things, because kids almost disappear in these toys. They get stuck in the sounds.
3) When Liam was crying:
There was a moment when I think I could not understand what Liam wanted and he started to scream and cry. Then, he sat on my lap and I told him: “it is ok to be frustrated.”
Gerd told me to not tell Liam that he is frustrated, because I am only ASSUMMING that he is frustrated. I need to show him that whining is not an effective way to communicate, and what I did was I told him that when he doesn’t get things his way, he gets “frustrated.”
What I need to say is: “Oh, I notice you are crying. That’s Ok, how can I help you? What is that you like? What is that you want?”
Gerd told me “I should not plant an idea on the kid.” When people assume a child is sad or frustrated, that is just an assumption. We need to prevent programming them that UNhappiness gets him attention. We need to show them that telling us want he wants gets him more attention.
Underneath every emotion, there is a want. So, for whatever emotion Liam was feeling, it is more helpful for Liam to learn to communicate his want. So, anytime they cry, we can just say: “I notice you are crying. That’s OK, what is that you want? How can I help you?”
FOR DUSYA
1) Given that Dusya is “object-oriented”, Gerd liked how I tried to make myself “bigger” and to use body language and face expressions to capture her attention. With Duchis, the more attention is on us (people), in contrast to the toys, the better.
2) Gerd though the microphone was a good example of turn-taking and showing her that people are more exciting than things.
3) About the weather game:
Gerd’s message was: “it is good to plan a game a bit in advance when opening a box” and “come into the playroom prepared.”
I mentioned I did not know how others had played the game, and Gerd said that was good, because that way we can all show her different things that can be done with that game.
Gerd gave me several ideas about the weather game:
- He said one option is to use it as a matching game, with questions such as: “Which of these match winter?” we could give her 4 or 5 pieces to choose from.
- He said it was better if we had control of the piece because, if not, Duchis goes into “self-serving” mode and she does not need us to play (she can play matching by herself, which is what she did at some point in teh video). One step of preparing would be to have the pieces in a bag so that we manage the pieces.
- A more interactive way to playing the game would be to bring clothes, an umbrella, to tell her in winter, “help me to put the jacket on”, bring mittens, socks, then take off everything in summer. This way the attention would move from the box to real people, US.
In conclusion, Gerd reminded me about the importance of coming into the playroom prepared:
we need to choose a game with steps, and think “where am I going with this?”
